Home » My new girlfriend says I am not over my ex-wife as I can’t perform in bed

DEAR DEIDRE: I’M in my first relationship since  a very acrimonious divorce.

My ex had an affair and deliberately hurt me by raving about how good this other man was in bed.

My girlfriend says I am not over my ex-wife and that's why I can't perform in bed


My girlfriend says I am not over my ex-wife and that’s why I can’t perform in bed

I’m 43 and my ex was the same age.

My divorce came through two years ago and I met my new girlfriend six months ago.

Although I really like her, I’m struggling to maintain an erection.

Now my girlfriend keeps stressing it’s because I don’t fancy her, or that I’m not over my ex. My girlfriend is 44.

I’m still getting morning erections but when we try to be intimate together I can’t perform.


She’s booked us a weekend away in a fancy hotel next weekend and I’m really hoping that a change of scenery will help me.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Your girlfriend may be right – not that you don’t fancy her, but that you may not be over your wife.

Your divorce was particularly bitter and she humiliated you by praising this other man’s sexual performance, so there is likely some emotional damage there that you have pushed away.

You’re getting morning erections which further suggests this is  a psychological issue.

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Try to take intercourse off the menu for a couple of weeks and focus on enjoying each other sexually by simply touching and exploring.

I’m also sending my support pack Erection Problems to help you with other tips.