Since having hot sex with colleague in my office, I’ve realised I must leave my wife
DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE having passionate sex with a colleague in my office, I’ve realised I must leave my wife.
But I want to try to end my marriage without hurting her or my children.
I’m 38 and my wife is 36. We’ve been married for six years and have two young kids.
My wife is unaffectionate and cold. Nothing I do or say is good enough. We argue a lot and rarely have sex. I don’t find her attractive any more.
I’ve tried to address my concerns but nothing changes.
I’m the manager at a big department store and a few months ago, a deputy manager joined.
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She’s 29 and very attractive. It was clear there was a sexual spark between us.
A few weeks ago, we were both working late and when she couldn’t find something in my office, I offered to show her where it was.
My office is tiny, and we ended up knocking into each other. We laughed, and suddenly found ourselves kissing.
Before I knew it, we were pulling each other’s clothes off and I was having the most urgent, exciting sex of my life.
Since then, we’ve been doing it whenever we get the chance.
The fact it’s wrong, and we might get caught, makes it all the more pleasurable.
I’m falling for this woman like crazy and I’ve got to break up with my wife.
But I love my children and worry that if my affair comes out, she’ll try to stop me from seeing them.
How do I ensure that the end of my marriage isn’t messy or nasty?
DEIDRE SAYS: Your affair is a symptom of your long-term unhappiness.
If you can’t see a way to resolve the problems in your marriage, then divorce is the best option.
But your wife may not agree or have seen the signs.
She may be shocked, hurt and angry.
Unfortunately, there’s no way to guarantee an easy break-up or divorce.
All you can do is talk to her as calmly and rationally as possible – saying you’re no longer happy in the marriage and asking if you can try to divorce amicably, for your child-ren’s sake.
Whether or not you mention your affair is up to you. But it is very likely to inflame the situation.
Either way it would be best to end your liaison while you focus on sorting out your marriage properly.
My support pack, Thinking Of Divorce, explains the steps you need to take.