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DATING isn’t easy in the modern age and many singles are searching in hope that they can find “the one”.

There is a fine line between treating somebody like you care and looking to control them, we look further into the art of “love bombing”.

While Banksy captures the term well in this exhibit in Rome, it wasn't his intention


While Banksy captures the term well in this exhibit in Rome, it wasn’t his intentionCredit: Alamy

What is love bombing?

Every person who is seeking to find that person they want to spend the rest of their life with, is prone to love bombing.

Before we go on to explain the term, it is important to know, that when these things are done in the right way it could just be someone you have found a connection with.

Love bombing, is often used by controlling, narcissistic and abusive individuals.

They try to quickly obtain the affection and attention of someone they are romantically pursuing by presenting an idealised image of themselves.

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That is the important thing to remember, as a lot of the tactics used by a love bomber are common traits you would expect from a partner.

It is all about the context they are used in, for what purpose and how it evolves into something else.

More often than not, a love bomber will switch to becoming abusive, very difficult and manipulative once they feel secure in the relationship.

What are examples of love bombing?

They make you feel like you could “do better”

A love bomber will place you on a pedestal and make you feel like you are the most important thing in the world, while it is normal for a partner to want the best for you, this will change when they want more of your attention.

You will find they knock people down or things in your life to make you feel like you deserve more.

They tell you exactly what you want to hear

Even if it is not true, they will look to win your undivided attention and affection, by pandering to what you want to hear.

It is a form of manipulation to get you on their side.

Wanting to be with you all of the time

They may make you feel bad for wanting boundaries or space, this is not a good sign.

Checking up on you all of the time

Wanting to know you whereabouts, constantly monitoring your social media activity or asking for passwords are tell-tale love bombing signals.

The relationship feels intense and unbalanced

Making huge comments like saying you are “soul mates” very early into the relationship or saying you are meant for each other are all red flags.

They may ask you to make commitments way before you would be ready to do so.

They get upset with boundaries

When you want time to yourself or to see friends and family, you will see they act hurt or upset that you do not want to spend time with them.

Making you believe you actually did something wrong

They will try and make you believe that you are responsible for their poor boundaries or behaviours.

This is often called “gaslighting”.

You start to feel you are “walking on eggshells”

It may be a case where you have tried to set boundaries and they have reacted emotionally, leaving you treading lightly in the future.

They want your undivided attention

Whenever your focus isn’t on them they become upset or angry.

This can be anything from pouting when you are on the phone to friends or family, to not leaving when you have hinted at having to be up for work early the following day.

How long does love bombing last?

Once a love bomber feels they feel they have “won you over” and have the focus of your attentions, it can turn into something far darker.

You will start to feel entrapped, like you have to do things to appease them or have a feeling that you are unable to do anything for yourself.

In some instances, once the partner has become hooked on the love bomber, they will start using cycles of emotional abuse.

This could be anything from gaslighting, hurling insults or constantly looking to put you down.

What to do if someone is love bombing you?

There may still be instances where this is the early stage of a relationship and someone is crushing on you so the best thing to do is to have a conversation with them.

Tell them things are going too fast or you need to set some boundaries in place.

If nothing changes, try to have a conversation about you feel with a friend and get their opinion on things.

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After all of this, if the boundaries you want still do not exist or everything still seems make you feel penned in, you need to distance yourself from that person.

It may even be the case where you need to end the relationship as it is not making you feel comfortable in your day-to-day life.

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